An old Chinese proverb
Why can’t I be like my Barbie? I can dress her up but I will never be like her. Sad. But it keeps me away from the ice cream. I stand and look at them. Saved pocket money stays in my purse. A big sight over the vanilla, strawberry, cherry, and chocolate ice cream. I watch other schoolmates enjoying their ice cream.
I should not allow anyone to see me dancing. Dancing is for girls who are not fat like me.
“Look at Aunt Wang's children, every night after dinner, they jump to help wash up. They're not lazy like you!” Says mother.
“I am a journalist, but your articles have never been published in the school’s newspaper.” Says my father.
***
“Mom, I'm back! ” I shouted.
Mom, busy with cooking in the kitchen, is angry with me.
“Open the door yourself, you’ve the key, don't you? ”
I throw away my backpack and run to the kitchen.
“Mom, you see I got 98 for my math exam, almost full sore,” I say, holding my head up, waiting for a hug. She replies with a flat tone,
“That’s not bad, leave the paper on the table, after eating, let’s go through it and if it was a mistake of carelessness, it is unacceptable. You should be more careful in the future.”
My smile disappears.
“Can I go to grandma's this week?” Hoping for some reward for my almost-high grade.
“I think you’d better go after finishing your homework and once we find out why you didn’t get 100, we can talk about you visiting your grandmother.”
“Can I go to Cong’s home?" She invited me to her home tomorrow. ” I beg.
“You better focus on your math and find out what mistakes you had first, then you can go.”
Later, I rewarded myself with one Sundae ice cream. I am using all the pocket money I had saved for weeks. I had given up all hope about being a Barbie.
****
Many years later. At college.
Dam pimples on my face. I have to use lots of foundation. There are no ugly women, only lazy women. I better make sure I am on a low-calorie diet. When I am at the supermarket I spend a long time walking up and down to find food that has the least calories. No butter biscuits that I love. Instead, I eat less, so I eat less. Plus I regularly exercise at the gym to keep fit and I sleep before 10:30. No bars, no late parties, not like girls of my age.
****
My first job after college. I show up with no makeup, wearing an oversized shirt and pants. They are my daily outfit, they don’t look pretty. They are just comfortable.
I work as an operation manager. At the Chinese New Year, the company prepares a Gala dinner for all the staff, with a dress code, ladies should wear formal clothes. I bought a tight skirt and went to a makeup artist. At the party, everyone is surprised to see. This was a new me. They never thought I could be fashionable and stylish. All the praise and compliments meant one thing, I should spend time and effort on how I look. This new revelation was the beginning of several hours on YouTube to learn how to use makeup, many trips to stores to buy clothes, and last but not least several pairs of high heels.
Comments